I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
