well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
