I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
