you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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