I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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