i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
