chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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