I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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