At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
