he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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