Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
