I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
