Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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