last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
