After last night, I could never be a politician.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
