Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
