i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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