Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
