I'm jealous of your bromance
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
