Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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