I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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