And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
