I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
