there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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