Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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