So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
