Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
