It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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