i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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