why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
barbara walters just said penis...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
