is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is Oprah even human
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
