Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
