This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
