dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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