What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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