i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
