he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
