What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
