Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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