he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
