I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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