I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
