Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
NoShamevember. You game?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
