she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
His hands were made for my vagina.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
