For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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