i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
