I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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