Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
