dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am one with the molecules
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
