Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Let's get the cat blown out
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
