I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i out mim tonsoeep
try to milk me bitch
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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