I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
