this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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