I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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