the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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