Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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